Santas Adventures

Santas Adventures coming soon.

The North Pole has been taken over by Gangsta Elves.
Gangsta Elves have decided they want a cut of Christmas! Never mind that Santa says that Christmas has always been free, and that he gives the presents away. The Gangsta Elves have decided that it is time to end this giveaway for no money!

They have been working too long for free. They want a cut of all the action. every time Santa is mentioned or the North Pole or Christmas or Rudolph or the reindeer the Gangsta Elves want a kickback or percentage. Every time a store sells a toy or mentions Christmas they want a percentage for themselves.

Busta Gangsta Elf, the leader, and his gangsta elf buddies are tired of living at the North Pole. It is too cold. They want to live in Miami and live the good life! They’ll come back north to make presents at Christmas so long as they get a cut but other than that they will live where it is warm.

In fact when they think about it why not live all year where it is warm and make the presents there. Better yet, if they were getting paid for it, they could afford to hire workers in Mexico or South America, or India or some place like that so they wouldn’t have to make the presents themselves and would have enough money left over to get rich and live the good life till Christmas.

When Busta and the other Gangsta Elves present their idea to Santa the proposal is met with a firm “No!” Santa Claus will have none of it. The little gangsta elves are not deterred. “Fine,” says Busta to Santa. “We can always find another fat guy in a red suit. Who needs reindeer when you’ve got helicopters and jets? ”

Later on during a break from the meeting, speaking to only the crew of assembled elves Busta reminded them all that Santa needs them to build the toys. They don’t need Santa. Santa needs them. They return to negotiate once more.

The discussions between Santa and the Evil Gangsta Elves continues….
What Busta and his buds need and what they want is a commission on every Christmas transaction. In fact they are going to patent, copyright and trademark Christmas and Santa so no one else can use them. Santa says they can’t patent, copyright or trademark the tradition. It has been around too long.

The elves counter “Clicking has been around for a long time, and Amazon still managed to patent that. As a matter of fact human beings have been around for a long time yet they are still patenting DNA. We’ve been talking to a lawyer who is quite sure he can find a way to put a patent on Christmas, Santa, reindeer and snowmen, so that we can get paid. If people don’t like it they can call if Xmas and Xanta and rain creatures and Icicles. We really don’t care.”

“But if they are not going to pay then Christmas will be gone. And Santa, you, will be out of a job because how are you going to deliver toys if we, ” Busta Gangsta Elf said as he looked around the table at his Gangsta Elf associates, “if we , the elves do not make them for you? You can’t afford to buy them or pay for the toys yourself. Who else can you find to do your slave labor? Mexicans are trying to get into the U.S. to get a good job. No one is trying to get to the North Pole, even if you would pay them, and we all know you would not.” The talks between Santa and the Gangsta Elves had come to a very disagreeable end.

The Gangsta Elves continue to pester and harangue Santa. They repeatedly argue back and forth until Santa will have no more of it. Finally he puts the elves on ignore.

Whenever the The Gangsta Elves come around Santa has Mrs. Claus tell them he is not home. He thinks to himself , “Who raised these children? Where did they come from?” But what Santa does not realize is that while a hundred years is like one year for him, the parents of these elfin children have grown old and even these “children” are no longer children, but fully grown adult elves.

Busta is especially irritated by this. He yells at Santa through the door. “You can’t ignore us. We got fair rights, too. This ain’t slave labor anymore. Every one else is getting paid. We deserve to get paid, too. and if you won’t pay us there’s not going to be any Christmas!”

In his mind Santa just kept saying, “Go away and leave me alone” and eventually they did, but Santa did not expect what they did next.

Busta and the Gangsta Elves went into the Elf Workshop and stole all the toys and all the equipment and tools to make the toys. They loaded them all onto the sleigh, hitched up all the reindeer, plus Rudolph and stole them all away.

Of course they could not steal everything in one trip so while Santa slept they returned repeatedly until they had stripped the toy shop bare. They took everything and flew south.

Santa did not know what the elves had done. He was asleep. Once he woke up and found out there was nothing he could do because all the reindeer was gone and so was the sleigh and so were all the toys. Santa had no other way to leave the North Pole He was stranded. What was he going to do? How could he have Christmas? Now this year the boys and girls would not get any toys.

Santa went to see Busta’s parents. It was then that he discovered they were old. He went to see the parents of all the elves and discovered they had all grown old.
Their children had replaced them all and he hadn’t really noticed.

Some years ago as the world got bigger and bigger and there were more and more children to make toys for every year Santa Claus had been advised to get a good manager to run things and let the manager take care of things. And Santa had done so. It all worked pretty well except that he no longer had paid too much attention to who his elves were.

It is true he saw them and knew their names and was friendly to them, and he even knew the children had grown up and were working in the Elf factory too, but he had put this down to more and more children need more and more toys need more and more production. He hadn’t really realized the elves he knew and had grown up with had now all got really old and retired, and that it was the children of these elves, Busta and the other elf children that were now grown up and running everything.

The World changes and even some things change at the North Pole but Santa hadn’t really so much noticed that. He saw the world change and he saw the elves were a little older but he didn’t notice the big little differences because he and Mrs. Claus were magically fortunate to only age one year every hundred years that went by.

Someone has asked me why if Santa is an elf, and no one was really 100% for sure, someone has asked why the other elves don’t age as slow as Santa and Mrs. Claus? The answer is, no one really knows for sure. Some say it is because of Santa’s magic but others say it has nothing to do with that at all.

Whether human or elf they say, it is clearly evident Santa is different from the other elves, perhaps an entirely different species, by the fact that Santa is so much larger than the others. If it truly is so that Santa is also an elf, and that has not been established with certainty, it is thought by some that he is a different from the other elves as the blue whale is from a dolphin, and for whatever reason this species differentiation, if they are in fact of a similar species at all, it appears that the species to which Santa belongs is like those great tortoises that live hundreds of years or since Santa will actually live for thousands perhaps he is closer to the Sequoia, except of course Santa is not a tree. But of course everyone knows Santa is magic and magic does not follow rules.

Meanwhile Santa has been stranded at the North Pole. All the reindeer are gone. There are no roads, no rail roads, no snowmobiles.

The elder elves do not approve of Busta but there is nothing they can do. There is no more toy making equipment or machinery. Even if there were there would be no way to take them to the children. Santa and the elderly elves thing Christmas may be doomed but they don’t realize that Christmas may still be going on with Busta his crew making a killing and Busta as Santa

Santa Claus was stranded at the North Pole. Mean while Busta and the Gangsta Elves flew the reindeer straight south to Miami! They were tired of the cold. It turned out the elves also knew a little magic, too.

Rudolph had resisted. Rudolph had fought as had Prancer, Dancer, Comet and Vixen. Donner, Cupid, Blitzen and Dasher, resisted, too, but Busta Evil Gangsta Elf was able to pass a spell of submission and compliance over them and the reindeer suddenly acquiesced.

Then Busta magically multiplied the reindeer and the sleigh just as Santa Claus every Christmas had done because truth be told Santa had taught him and Busta was his foreman even though Santa had thought he was simply indulging Busta and brining him along for the ride.

That had been true many years ago. Busta had been Santa’s main fan, but as he got older Busta said, “Man! They ain’t no upward mobility in this job. Once an elf, always an elf.” Because the truth is Busta had always thought that when Santa Claus got old that maybe he could take over Santa’s job and become Santa himself. He also did not seem to consider that he was too small for the job. But when he was asked by one of the elves about that he said, “No one ever really sees Santa, they just think the do. He comes on his sleigh in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and just disappears. Besides I could just say I was one of the elves. Most people still thin Santa comes down the chimney. They are so out of touch. What difference will it make?”

Unfortunately as Busta grew older and Santa grew older not at all, Busta finally realized that being Santa was never going to happen at all.

It was then that he got to thinking about all the other unfairness and injustices in the elf world.

They build toys for Santa Claus all year, but they do not get paid. They can never get thetop job. They can never go somewhere warm. There is nothing to do at the North Pole. No one comes to see them and nothing really happens all year. The only really exciting thins is Christmas and it comes once a year and then it is gone, and then the elves begin all over and start making presents for the next year.

“Sure we have food,” Busta said, “Sure we have a roof over our heads and we can get married and have children and we have health care and all that, but I want to drive a car. I want to see the sun. I want to lie on the beach. I want to listen to music. I want to party. I want a plasma screen tv and some hot girls. I want to have fun. This is boring. Besides Santa treats us all just like slaves or servants. He doesn’t appreciate us. He doesn’t even really know who we are. He still thinks he’s dealing with our parents. The world has changed and so has the North Pole. We Elves have a right to the good life!” So said Busta Gangsta Evil Elf.

At first most of the elves disagreed, but as the other younger ones came along more and more thought like Busta, more and more were disappointed when they came to realize that they too, could never be Santa Claus.

What was more, even though Santa didn’t let them watch it, televisions had come to the North Pole. In fact in many cases the elves were making them and with satellite tv they were able to get some of the channels

They saw what the lives of people and children were like, at least they thought they did. They saw what was on the tv and on the commercials, and they started to want to live that life. Especially the beach!

To a young elf, tired of living at the North Pole in the year round ice and cold the idea of the sun and warmth living on a beach with bikini clad female elves and humans was really something they looked forward to.

Busta Gangsta Elf and his gangsta elf pals flew straight to Miami. They sold the reindeer to the Animal Planet Kingdom Amusement Park at a well known amusement destination in Orlando, Florida… I am not at liberty to say the name of the world famous park but a hint is: the place is fronted by a very large mouse!

The elves sold Santa’s reindeer to the management and owners of the park. Of course no one really believed they were Santa Claus’ reindeer, but they could be promoted as such and it wouldn’t hurt.

Of course you might ask, “Why didn’t the reindeer fly away? Why didn’t the reindeer escape?” And in fact at the world renown amusement park near Orlando Florida fronted by a very large mouse, the management asked the same question. They had asked, “If these really are Santa’s reindeer, why can’t they fly? Why don’t they fly away? Why isn’t Rudolph’s nose red?”

“They can fly, “said Busta. The amusement park people said, “Then show us.” And Busta said, “I’m not going to show you.” And the amusement park representatives said, “I thought so, and Rudolph’s nose isn’t red.” And Busta said, “It is.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
“Then why can’t we see it?” “Because” said Busta, “he can turn it off and on.”
“The song says he couldn’t control it. The song says , and if you ever saw him ‘you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.’ They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games.” To which Busta Gangsta Elf replied,  “I know the stupid song. I grew up with it. That was when he was young. He’s grown up, he’s got control now. Besides his nose is a little like antlers. It comes and it goes according to the season. You’ll never see a red nose while he’s living in the tropics.” “Uh-huh.”Yeah.” “Whatever,” said the representatives for the internationally famous amusement park.

And so they paid Busta anyway. They paid enough that he and the other Gangsta elves were able to live in Miami in high style.

But even with all that cash money they could see the day when the money was going to run out, and besides they wanted to live in even higher style with lots more bling-bling!

Busta Gangsta Elf began visiting the stores. He said, “This is what I got to offer, you get exclusive right to use the names Christmas, Santa, Santa Claus, Rudolph, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Dasher, Donner, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen as well as the words, reindeer, presents, Christmas tree, elves, and snowman. We, elves geta 20 per cent cut. Your competitors get nada, zip, Zee-row, nuthin’!”

Well at first the stores ignored Busta, showed him the door. But Busta had done as he told Santa Claus he would. He had applied for patents, copyrights, and trademarks on the terms Sant and Christmas and elves and reindeer, and the lawyers who were the only ones who really knew who he was, as Busta had represented Santa to them before, told him they believed he had a very good chance at success, especially as they stood to get a percentage of the profits.

Meanwhile the retailers were served with writs notifying them that there was a patent pending and injunctions informing them they could no longer use the words Santa, Christmas, and all those other words on the list of words associated with the holiday compiled by Busta and the lawyers.

Department stores and other retailers begin preparing for Christmas in July. All of this came just a couple of weeks before the beginning of the Christmas shopping season. The retailers were in a panic.

Busta Gangsta Elf held an auction for the rights to the Christmas words in every major city. Stores that won and paid enough could promote Christmas. The rest were prohibited and likewise with the movies, the television programs, radio and the entire Christmas season.

Santa Claus has been stranded at the North Pole. All the reindeer are gone. There are no roads, no rail roads, no snowmobiles.

The elder elves do not approve of Busta, but there is nothing they can do. There is no more toy making equipment . No machinery to make toys. Even if there were there would be no way to take them to the children.

Santa and the elderly elves think Christmas may be doomed but they don’t realize Christmas may still be going on with Busta Gangsta Elf and his crew making a killing and Busta as Santa Claus.

Santa Claus didn’t really believe Busta’s stories of copyrighting or trademarking Christmas and Santa but one day while lonesomely wandering the empty elf workshop he saw the elves had left behind a television which he turned on.

The big news was Busta Gangsta Elf had copyrighted the words Christmas, Santa Claus, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, Christmas Presents, Christmas Gifts the names of all the reindeer including Rudolph, and Busta Elf was selling the rights to the highest bidder. The winners would have exclusive rights and all others would be forced to refrain from any mention of the words associated with the Christmas holiday. They could of course still sell things. They just could not sell “Christmas gifts”, “Christmas presents” or mention anything to do with Christmas, Santa Claus and reindeer.

It was also reported that reindeer, “purported to be Santa’s reindeer” could be found and were now on display at a world renown amusement park near Orlando Florida fronted by a very large mouse.

The male and female tv anchors imitating mock credulity and disbelief asked could these reindeer really be Santa’s? But as the male broadcaster stated, “Who knows? But they can’t fly. Rudolph doesn’t have a red nose. So what are the chances? Still it would be great fun and a real treat for the kids and maybe, oh my, gosh maybe they really are. Back to you Suzie.”

After seeing that report Santa Claus was shocked and stunned. It was at that moment he knew he had to rescue the reindeer and save Christmas.

One of the big disappointments to people is Rudolph’s nose is not really red. At first Busta doesn’t care. He already made money off the reindeer, but as some people make more and more of it Busta realizes that if Rudolph’s nose was red he would be sitting on a gold mine.

At first he paints Rudolph’s nose red, but when that faisl to impress he discards Rudolph back to the world famous amusement park corporation in Orlando, Florida fronted by a large mouse, and buys a reindeer from Norway that can’t fly, even with magic.  Busta has an operation performed to replace the reindeer’s nose with glowing light and claims this is Rudolph. Most of the world believes him.

Santa Claus is outraged and disgusted but thankful Busta Gangsta Elf did not harm Rudolph, even though he is appalled by what Busta did to the innocent Norwegian reindeer. Santa Claus has sympathy for all animals.

Mrs. Claus says, “Why don’t you forget it? Why don’t you let it be? Christmas has been going on long enough.”

” It doesn’t need you and me. If Busta want’s to do it, why don’t you let him?” she reasoned. ” We don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

But Santa stubbornly says, “I can’t have that! I’ve got to save Christmas. I’ve got to save the reindeer. I’ve got to bring the children their gifts.”

Santa has to find a way off the North Pole. It is too far to walk. One of the elderly elves tell him there are old reindeer. Santa asks, “How old?” “Very old” replies the elf. “Where?” “Quite a few miles from here,” said the old elf. “What are they doing there?” “They were old and just wanted to be alone. They were tired of the hustle and bustle of the younger reindeer.”

Santa sets out to find them. Overweight, he has to walk many, many miles across ice and snow, alone. He could not bring Mrs. Claus now could he? With only water which constantly freezes in the wicked cold Santa walks and nearly freezes, even with his magic. He can’t sleep. He can’t stop walking or he might freeze in the cold and never wake up. One time he almost does fall asleep and is awakened by hungry wolves. By the time he gets to where the reindeer are he ia quite a bit thinner.

Finally Santa Claus finds the elderly reindeer. There is a herd of about 20 of them at the edge of the ice. Santa wants to know what they are doing here, and how could he have missed them? They tell him he was so busy, the younger reindeer took over, and they just slipped away to where it was quiet and peaceful. Santa says he understands, but explains his predicament. He wants to know if any of the reindeer can still fly. They answer they are doubtful. They say they do not know.

“As you may recall,” the reindeer tell Santa Claus, “It always took some of your magic to help us fly, and now it has been so many years….” “Yes, yes” said, Santa. “But I need to get out of here!”

One after the other Santa tries his magic on each of the reindeer without success. Then he sees behind one of the female reindeer a young reindeer. He asks, “Who is that?” The grandmother reindeer answers.”One of Rudolph’s.” Santa says, “He could fly if he was a little older.” And the grandmother says,” You’re too big and he’s too small.” “But”, says, Santa, “I can fix that. where’s his grandfather?” “Right here” said the young reindeer’s grandfather. “Stand beside him,” instructed Santa Claus. And then Santa waved his hands with magic.

The grandson became older as the grandfather became younger and the young reindeer became older till the young reindeer was full grown and the grandfather only a little older, as young as Rudolph. Santa said, “I will fix it when I return.”

To the grandfather Santa said, “You will have to look after him. He is full grown, but he is still the same age.” Then he announced, “Now I have my team.”

By this time Busta and the gangsta elf crew were getting tired of Miami. They thought they would like the California coast, but they still had to make the toys for Christimas. But who wanted to do that? The elves did not.

Busta negotiated contracts with the various toy makers so that he would get a kickback, and then he decided to have some of the toys made for cheap in poor countries. “Why not? Then we elves can make a real profit,” he thought.

Busta and the rest of the Gangsta Elves went to Central America to set up an elf workshop stocked by Mexicans. As they had told Santa Claus, Mexicans are trying to get into the U.S. No one wants to come to the North Pole

The rebellious elves, led by Busta Gangsta Elf visit the all the toy makers and stores to explain to them how they can earn additional income by displaying a seal in the stores and in their advertising, stating “This toy is officially certified by Santa Claus” or “This store is officially approved by Santa Claus” or “This store (or business) is officially certified by Santa Claus to use the word Christmas,” or any of the other words associated with the holiday.

At first the stores’ representatives say, “No!” But when Busta threatens he and the elves will take the matter to court and Christmas will officially be stopped until the litigation is concluded, the retailers and manufacturers realize they will be out of business before that happens; And so they agree to pay the price, especially as the elves have explained that with the “Official Santa Certification” they will be able to charge even more.

Furthermore they will be able to control Christmas. Any store or toymaker who does not pay the price will not be allowed to use the term Christmas nor toy nor Santa nor reindeer nor Rudolph nor even Frosty the Snowman nor Comet, nor Cupid, nor Donner, nor Blitzen, nor Dasher, nor Dancer, nor Prancer not even Vixen.

Santa Claus waved his hands with magic again and suddenly both reindeer could fly. “Be careful” said the grandmother reindeer as Santa Claus fastened himself into a seat where he could sit between the two reindeer. And then away they flew off.

Santa realizes he has to change his clothes in order to search for Rudolph. The clothes he is wearing are too hot for Miami and he wishes to travel incognito as he begins his search for Rudolph, Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Blitzen Comet, Cupid, Vixen, and Dasher and that renegade bunch of Gangsta elves led by Busta himself.